Sex is often one of the first casualties of fertility struggles — yet it’s rarely spoken about. In a recent episode of The Male Fertility Podcast, NeXYs co-founders Shaun and Ciaran sat down with leading psychosexual therapist Kate Moyle to explore the hidden impact fertility issues can have on men’s sex lives.
Kate, author of The Science of Sex and host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast, brings over a decade of experience working with individuals and couples navigating sexual and relational difficulties. Her message to men? You’re not broken, and you’re not alone.
What Is Psychosexual Therapy?
Psychosexual therapy is a specialist form of talk therapy focused on the emotional, social, and biological aspects of sexual health.
As Kate explains, “It’s what we call a bio-psychosocial approach. That means we look at the physical side of things, but also the emotional and social influences—because they all collide when it comes to sex.”
Unlike the stereotypes you may have seen in films, psychosexual therapy is entirely non-physical. It’s about conversation, understanding, and therapeutic strategies that help you rebuild confidence and connection.
How Fertility Issues Affect Male Sexual Health
One of the most common sexual health challenges Kate sees in men is erectile dysfunction. And while the biological side often gets attention, the psychological impact is just as significant — especially in the context of fertility struggles.
For men trying to conceive, producing a semen sample isn’t just a physical task — it’s a performance under pressure, often loaded with anxiety.
Podcast co-host Shaun shared his own experience of this during fertility treatment:
“The one time I couldn’t [produce a sample] was when there was a lot riding on it. I’d had a varicocele embolisation a few months before. That test was everything.”
Kate explains, “It’s not just the act itself—it’s the meaning behind it. That sample could represent your whole future. That’s an enormous emotional load.”
Performance Anxiety, Porn, and the Pressure to ‘Get It Right’
Modern culture piles on unrealistic expectations — often without us realising. From porn to social media, men are bombarded with messages about how sex should look and feel.
Kate’s analogy cuts through the noise: “Watching porn to learn about sex is like trying to learn to drive from The Fast and the Furious.”
And when sex becomes about performance — especially during fertility treatment — intimacy can quickly turn mechanical. “It can move from something fun and spontaneous to something functional,” Kate explains. “That shift is difficult to navigate, especially when there’s disappointment month after month.”
Keeping Connection Alive During Treatment
Kate recommends staying physically affectionate outside of fertility windows. “If the only time you approach each other is when you’re ovulating, every touch becomes tied to conception. That can take a toll.”
Whether it’s cuddling on the sofa, holding hands, or sharing physical intimacy without pressure, maintaining connection is crucial.
How to Cope: Kate’s Practical Advice for Men
• Give yourself a break: The environment isn’t normal — so don’t expect your body to behave like it is.
• Lower expectations: This isn’t movie sex. It’s okay if it feels clinical or awkward.
• Take what works with you: Whether that’s music, a private space, or a particular routine — find what helps and use it.
• Talk to your partner: Don’t carry the pressure alone. Shared vulnerability can strengthen connection.
Why This Conversation Matters
Too often, male fertility support focuses purely on results. But the journey matters just as much — and that includes your sexual and emotional wellbeing.
Kate’s message is clear: These struggles are normal. They’re shared by many. And with the right support, they’re absolutely addressable.
If you’re navigating male fertility challenges and feeling the emotional or sexual toll, NeXYs Fertility is here to help. Join our community for expert-led events, support groups, and a space that understands men’s real experiences.