Miscarriage and baby loss are heartbreakingly common - affecting around one in four pregnancies* - yet still cloaked in silence, stigma, and emotional isolation. For men, that silence often runs deeper. While partners go through physical loss, men are frequently expected to remain stoic and emotionally contained. But the truth is, miscarriage impacts both partners - and men need space to grieve, speak, and heal too.
In the latest episode of The Male Fertility Podcast, we hear from Olly Brown - a father, husband, and advocate - who shares his deeply personal story of miscarriage and his mission to break the silence for men. His journey from grief to public action is a powerful call for change: more awareness, more representation, and more support for men affected by pregnancy loss.
The Hidden Reality of Miscarriage: A Silent Epidemic
Olly’s story begins with joy - a positive test, a successful 12-week scan, and the excitement of telling family and friends. Just a week later, everything changed.
“No heartbeat - you’re having a miscarriage,” the doctor said. What followed, Olly recalls, were “two or three of the worst days of my life.”
That moment marked the beginning of a personal tragedy, but also the unveiling of a larger reality. Once the news of their loss spread, people began opening up.
“Suddenly, everyone had a story - a brother, a cousin, a friend. It was like there was this subculture of grief that no one had spoken about until we joined it.”
That “subculture” - silent, unseen, and overwhelmingly common - proves just how many families miscarriage touches. But because it’s rarely discussed, many suffer in isolation, believing their experience is rare, abnormal, or even shameful.
The Male Experience: Grief Without Permission
For men, the emotional weight of miscarriage is complex and often unspoken. There’s the grief of losing a child, the helplessness of watching a partner endure pain, and the crushing expectation to remain composed - to “be strong” and hold it together.
Olly explains:
“There’s a natural male role you fall into - be strong, be pragmatic. And you do need to do that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk. Things are only ever made better by talking.”
This conflict between emotional suppression and the need for support is at the heart of many men’s experiences of baby loss. The desire to care for a partner can lead men to push aside their own grief - but that grief doesn’t disappear. Left unspoken, it can become complicated, unprocessed, and deeply isolating.
The 12-Week Rule: The Pain of Public Loss
One of the hardest parts of Olly’s story was the timing. Like many, he and his partner followed the so-called “12-week rule” - waiting until after the first trimester to share their pregnancy news.
But when they experienced loss at 13 weeks, the emotional fallout was compounded.
“You feel like you’ve been given something, then it’s snatched away. And then you have to go and tell everyone the baby’s not coming anymore.”
The experience changed how they approached future pregnancies. They now tell close friends and family early, preferring the potential of shared grief over silent suffering.
“We wanted support if it happened again. We didn’t want to be alone in it.”
The “12-week rule” may intend to protect, but it often leaves couples to grieve in secrecy. For many, open communication from the start brings comfort, not vulnerability.
Navigating the Healthcare System: A Mixed Experience
Olly and his partner received compassionate care from their hospital, including counselling, funeral support, and medical investigations into the cause of the miscarriage. Importantly, Olly didn’t feel ignored.
“Everything focused on Amy, understandably, but I didn’t feel pushed aside. I felt supported.”
However, he notes a key gap: there was little specifically aimed at male partners. While resources existed, few addressed men’s unique emotional needs - their isolation, their silence, their grief.
This highlights a broader issue: the healthcare system still largely frames miscarriage as a women’s experience. Until support becomes inclusive of both partners, many men will continue to feel like silent witnesses to their own loss.
From Pain to Purpose: Marathons for Miracles
In the aftermath of loss, Olly channelled his grief into action. He created “Marathons for Miracles” - a campaign where he will complete 39 marathons in 39 weeks, raising money for Tommy’s, the UK’s leading pregnancy and baby loss charity. He wants to be joined by someone touched by this topic on each leg of the journey too.
The initiative is about more than fundraising. It’s about building a movement, raising awareness, and offering an outlet for those struggling silently.
“I’ve had people message me - some I haven’t spoken to in years - saying, ‘We’ve had a miscarriage too. We want to help. This gives us a way to honour that.’”
This ripple effect is powerful. One man speaks out, and countless others feel seen, understood, and inspired to step forward too.
Why Tommy’s Matters: Research, Support, and Hope
Central to Olly’s mission is raising funds for Tommy’s. The charity leads vital research into miscarriage, stillbirth, and premature birth - offering answers and support to families across the UK.
Their advocacy has also helped push forward new bereavement legislation. As of July 7, 2025, the Employment Rights Bill** was amended to guarantee at least one week of protected leave for pregnancy loss before 24 weeks - a vital step in recognising and supporting grief at every stage
“It’s not everything, but it’s something. It means men have formal time to grieve, to support their partner, to process.”
Research from organisations like Tommy’s ensures that families don’t face another loss without answers - and that men’s experiences are included in the conversation.
Advice to Other Men: Speak, Don’t Suppress
When asked what advice he’d give to other men navigating miscarriage or baby loss, Olly’s answer is simple:
“Find someone you can talk to. Someone who’ll just listen. Talking has never made it worse - only better.”
Strength and support don’t have to be opposites. Men can show up for their partners and seek support for themselves. And perhaps more than anything, they need to know they’re not alone.
Changing the Narrative: Breaking Generational Silence
What Olly hopes for most is a societal shift. One where grief isn’t hidden. Where pregnancy loss isn’t whispered about. Where conversations happen early and openly - and men are part of them.
“We need to move away from this idea that pregnancy is only joy until it’s not. We need balance. Because if something does go wrong, people need to know they’re not alone - and they can talk about it.”
This isn’t about pessimism. It’s about preparation, awareness, and support. When we acknowledge the reality of miscarriage, we can respond to it with the compassion it deserves.
A Future of Hope: Life After Loss
Olly and his partner now have a daughter - a symbol of hope after heartbreak. But as he’s quick to say, having another child doesn’t erase the grief of the one lost.
“You never forget them,” podcast host Ciaran says. “And you shouldn’t.”
The journey through miscarriage isn’t linear. It’s layered, ongoing, and deeply personal. But by speaking out, Olly has helped reshape the landscape — making it easier for other men to find their voice, share their story, and begin to heal.
How You Can Get Involved
If Olly’s story resonates with you, and you're considering supporting Marathons for Miracles by joining a run click this link. You can donate to his cause here, or simply share the vital message.
You can also learn more about Tommy’s and their groundbreaking research into baby loss at www.tommys.org.
In a world where 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss, the silence helps no one. It’s time to talk — and to make sure no man walks this path alone.
*https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/miscarriage/
**https://www.gov.uk/government/news/employment-rights-bill-to-increase-bereavement-leave-for-families-who-face-pregnancy-loss