In a recent powerful episode of The Male Fertility Podcast, NeXYs Fertility co-founder Shaun shared his personal experience of becoming a father through donor conception — offering honest insight into a journey many men find themselves navigating in isolation.
Redefining Fatherhood
For many men, learning they won’t be able to have genetically related children triggers a deep and often unspoken identity crisis. Shaun describes the experience as “a long process” — a type of grief that, at the time, didn’t always have a name.
“You don’t know why you’re angry, you don’t know why you’re resentful,” he reflects. “But looking back, it’s all completely normal.”
A turning point came when he asked his wife what she loved about him. Her answer reframed everything: the qualities she cherished — his character, resilience, humour, love — had nothing to do with genetics. It was a powerful moment that helped Shaun understand fatherhood not as biology, but as presence, values, and love.
Common Fears and Real Reassurance
Like many men, Shaun feared he might not bond with his future children. Would it feel different without that genetic link? But when the moment came, those fears quickly dissolved.
“Love takes work,” he says. “And it’s no different with children born via donor conception. The connection is just as strong between us.”
He also acknowledges that challenges can still crop up — particularly during tougher parenting moments — but reminds listeners that all families face hard times, regardless of how children are conceived.
Choosing a Donor
Shaun and his wife chose their clinic’s in-house donor programme to help simplify the decision-making process during an otherwise overwhelming period. Their focus was on finding someone who would fit naturally within their family, rather than trying to replicate Shaun’s traits.
They leaned on objective markers — health, general features — instead of baby photos or vague similarities, which only added pressure and confusion. Shaun is clear that the timeline for acceptance isn’t fixed: “It took a year and a half before I was really comfortable. And that doesn’t mean the grief just stops. But acceptance starts to grow.”
Handling the Outside World
Questions about family resemblance are common with any new baby. Shaun shares how his response evolved over time — from full disclosure as part of his own healing process, to lighter, more casual answers later on.
Ironically, those closest to the family often remark on how much his children resemble him — a reminder that love and connection often override biology in how we see each other.
Talking to Children
One of the biggest decisions for donor recipient parents is how — and when — to talk to children about their conception. Shaun and his wife decided on full openness from the start, shaped by input from professionals, lived experience, and stories from donor-conceived adults.
The aim? No secrets. No shame. Just truth, told with love.
They started telling the story when their children were babies — not because the children could understand, but to practise saying the words out loud. Over time, it became part of the family narrative. For their daughter, it’s even become a fairytale she loves hearing: “Once upon a time, Prince Daddy met Princess Mummy… but Daddy didn’t have any seeds….”. Naturally the story ends with, “And they all lived happily ever after”.
Finding Support That Speaks to Men
Shaun’s story highlights the importance of support — from counselling and trusted information, to real conversations with men who’ve walked the same path.
That’s the mission at NeXYs Fertility: creating a community where men feel seen, heard, and understood. Whether it’s navigating the grief of infertility, choosing donor conception, or stepping into fatherhood, no one should have to go through it alone.
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If you’re exploring donor conception or navigating male fertility issues, NeXYs offers a space to feel supported, understood, and better informed — with resources, support groups, and events designed specifically for men. On Thursday 12th June at 7:30pm, we’re hosting a live session with Nina Barnsley, Director of the Donor Conception Network, offering clear guidance and reassurance for those considering donor sperm. The event will be recorded and available to watch back if you can’t join live.